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I would like to share my thoughts with you.

Single People Can Have Fun In the Summer Too!

single people dancing

Most break ups happen in the Spring time. People want to be free to date other people in the summer time. But not to worry. If you recently had your heart broken, embrace it and deal with the hurt. Look forward to an awesome summer. Single people are able to get up and go whenever and wherever they please. They are in charge of their own plans. That is the best feeling. Single people do not have to ask permission to cancel date night to go out with friends. They just go and meet up with their friends and meet more new people. Do not be afraid to come out of your shell. Be an extravert and make a new friend every time you go out to a lounge, concert,  barbecue, beach, and having lunch in the park. It is a known fact a person can easily make friends when they are out alone. A person is more approachable when alone.

Single people can have fun in the summer too . A person does not always have to be in a relationship to have fun in the Summer. A person does not have to be  afraid to go to a barbecue or a lounge alone. He/She will meet people on his/her own. Remember to always be safe when going out alone.

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Wife Duties To Avoid While Dating

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Just started dating? Heck no! Showing up with a 1950s apron and bags filled with groceries will scare off any man you’ve just started getting to know. Your intentions are good… you just want to be nice and cater to him. Women show love by nurturing. As stereotypical as it sounds, it’s only natural to want to bake a cake or tidy up his place. You’re also subconsciously trying to prove to him that you are wife-material. Your actions are screaming “Marry me! I can cook! I can clean! I can take good care of you!” But all that does is make most men think you’re crazy and/or desperate (especially if you’ve just met them).
Solid relationship? Still no…. but if you must, do so in moderation. The whole courting phase in relationships is something that has become extinct. Nowadays people don’t really know how to date. We always jump from 0 to 60 in 60 seconds. Marriage is a big commitment and it’s a big step for men in particular. Women, if you start acting like you’re married when you’re actually just dating he could become complacent in the relationship. As the saying goes, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? That saying is typically used for sex, but the fact is there are other benefits of a relationship that should be saved for marriage as well

Cooking meals for him on the regular

Washing his dirty drawers

Living together

Scheduling doctors appointments

Attending all family functions

Giving him large amounts of cash

Cleaning his place

Helping him manage his bills

Save the wifely duties for after you jump the broom, especially if he’s not reciprocating with any husbandly duties! Does he wash your car? Does he take out your trash? Does he fix things around your house? Make sure it’s a two-way street and not you just auditioning for the part of Mrs. Right.
Try your hardest to eliminate all of these things from your relationship, but at the very least keep it to a minimum so it’s not something that he’s expecting on the regular. Your relationship should be focused on enjoying each other’s company, not how great of a chef and housekeeper you are!

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What Is A Woman To Do When The Men She Loves Breaks His Promise To Her?

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What Is A Woman To Do When The Man She Loves Breaks His Promise To Her?

As young girls we are taught to fall in love, get married, and live happily ever after. The real world tells us a different story. As women who experienced heartache, we learn to longer trust and believe. Well ladies we need to put our big girl panties and deal with it and move forward when the man you were so much in love with breaks his promise to you.

Ladies let us analyze the reason we hold on to every word a man whispers in our ears or simply say out loud. Did we ever think or imagine he was only telling us what we desired to hear? Did we really know what he said was “BS” but made a bad choice and ignored it? The answer maybe we are hopeful that he will keep his promise. There is nothing wrong with being hopeful. But ladies we must also remember we do not have the power to change a man to do better.  All we can honestly do is do better on how we react to his broken promise to us.

For example, when a man tells you he loves you and wants to be with before sleeping with him, you believe him. When he stops calling you after he sleeps with you, the heartache begins and you say things you later regret. You do things that make you end up the fool and not him. He is having fun with the next woman. Instead of succumbing to acting like a fool syndrome, take it as a lesson learned and move on. Forgive yourself and him and move on. If you don’t, you will become an angry and bitter woman. B You must follow your gut instincts when you sense a man is going to break his promise to you. Do not play the victim role and tell your sad story to the next man. He may use it against you. Please do not give the man who contributed to your heartache make you believe all men will hurt you. That is not true. There are good men out there. You have to be the one to love yourself first to attract that good man.

Make a promise to yourself to believe you are a Queen and deserve to be treated like one. Never break that promise to yourself. When you do, it will be hard for a man to break his promise to you.

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When It Comes To Female Orgasms, It’s Literally The Thought That Counts

organsism

When It Comes To Female Orgasms, It’s Literally The Thought That Counts

 

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A Man Needs To Appreciate His Woman!

appreciate

Most men in my opinion have a challenge in appreciating their woman or wife. I see it in my friends relationships, my brother’s marriage, and in my own life experiences with  my husband. I honestly feel as women we sacrifice so much. We tend to be the givers and most men are the takers. I am not bashing men at all. But this is from what I have seen. Growing up I watched my mother do so much for my father to make sure he was well cared for and she worked hard both at home and at work. My father did not make her feel appreciated. In my own marriage I have done so much for my husband as a wife should do but his actions does not show any appreciation. I do not understand it or get it. Are most men raised to think they are God’s gift to women? I feel so drain at times always being the giver and not getting anything back. I know we are to give without any expectation which I fully agree. But show me some love and appreciation! It is a constant fight and battle for me to get my husband to take me out or do some things I enjoy to do. He refuses. He gets angry and calls me selfish. I know not all men are this way and I had other men approach me and try to talk to me and I sometimes think will they appreciate me more than my husband? I choose to be faithful till the end. But I have to think of me as well. If my husband continues to treat me like this I am going to have to say goodbye to the marriage and give another man the opportunity to appreciate me. I cannot force my husband to appreciate me. He has to do it on his own and the clock is ticking!

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What She Wants In Bed

whatshewantsinbed

Men try to figure it out, but many don’t get it. Does she want candles lit for romantic lighting, or candle wax dripped on her nipples? Does she want to be made love to softly with feeling, or f*cked from behind with mad passion? I asked 1,000 women what they really wanted from men in the bedroom. They got real. The got raw. And they got honest.

Counting down from #10 — 

 

10. Foreplay. And it begins outside the bedroom. 

“He just starts. We walk in the bedroom, and he expects me to just flip on my back, automatically be wet, and ready for him to start thrusting.” —Monica F.

“I’m not an outlet that can just be PLUGGED INTO.” —Deb G.

“Make me want you!” —Fran T.

“A man’s intelligence is a HUGE turn-on for me.” —Juanita G.

 

For some men, there are two types of foreplay: being touched and the anticipation of being touched. What these guys don’t seem to realize is that their version of foreplay is in direct opposition to a woman’s largest erogenous zone: her mind. There’s no substitute for mental stimulation and intelligent discussion as foreplay.

Arousal for a woman often starts long before she is consciously aware it is happening. She is turned on by a look… by a statement… by his wit… even his willingness to listen without judgment. Seduction is an art form, and requires effort. It demands focus on her. She wants to feel important. She wants to matter. She wants to feel desired.

Bottom line: A woman’s largest erogenous zone is her mind, with his words and actions being the ultimate tools for effective foreplay.

 

9. Undress her… slowly.

“I want to be slowly unwrapped and revealed, like a present.” —Debbie B.

“He needs to take his time with me until I can’t handle it. And I want to see him want me. It drives me crazy.” —Michelle S.

Too often, couples get down to business. And while that really works on many occasions, that’s raw passion. Seduction can—and should— also be slower, and not rushed. Reveal her body slowly and let your eyes and hands hover, brush, caress, and grip places your tongue will soon follow.

Bottom line: Anticipation and appreciation go a long way.

 

8. Sex in public.

“The possibility of being caught or seen is a huge turn-on for me. We don’t have to have full penetration, but getting close works great. I’ve started going out without panties on so he can start things wherever we are.” —Erika D.

She might not want to actually have sex in public (getting arrested isn’t good), but the thrill of being observed is a huge turn-on for many women. After all, part of the excitement when you’re a teenager is not getting caught doing… whatever. Why would that change in adulthood?

To the guy who thinks his girl “wouldn’t be like that”: Yes, your girl, too.

 

7. Let her take control.

“I really like being in control. Not every time, but sometimes. And I don’t want to hurt him; I just want to do things to him. Things that please him, but also things that let him know he is not in control; I am.” —Karen W.

Power can be a big aphrodisiac for many people, men and women alike. And just like their male counterparts, many women want to not be on the receiving end of control. While most respondents weren’t looking for a BDSM lifestyle, over half (53%) were just as clear that they wanted their man to experience some level of submission, at least one time—tie him up, spank him, have access to all parts of him. And others (9%) were looking to have the same power as a man—where it wasn’t enough for her to be on top… she wanted him on the bottom.

Bottom line: She has just as much desire as he does… and she wants the opportunity to show him.

 

6. Role-play

“I love when he dresses up in his old Navy uniform. I didn’t know him then, so it makes things different, and men-in-uniform really turn me on.” —Jessie L.

“My husband has a foot fetish. When I wear stockings and heels, he loses his mind.” —Erica M.

“Maybe I’m all screwed up, but I like playing the naughty school girl (with pigtails!), and he’s the teacher who punishes me for getting my homework wrong.” —Hanna R.

Taking on a different persona can be freeing and allow for actions and thoughts to play out that you as a “real person” wouldn’t be able to follow-through with. By putting on a costume or assuming a different role, you can kill off inhibitions and self-conscious insecurities that would prevent pleasure.

Bottom line: Assuming a new role can not only be fun, it can eliminate relationship dynamics that might stifle sexual freedom.

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What can make a relationship stronger?

50 things to make

Being in a relationship means you have to give and take. It’s important to learn the things that can make your relationship stronger so you can grow together. There are 50 things to make your relationship stronger that you should follow!

 

#1. Communication

You’re going to hear this time and again from every person in a long term relationship. If you cannot openly communicate your fears, values, issues or anything else with your partner, it’s just not going to last.

#2. Honesty

This is another common piece of advice you will hear quite often. Being honest about everything will lead to a close bond and overall relationship.

#3. Listen

While communication is important, so is listening! Sometimes it’s best to just be quiet and hear what the other person has to say.

#4. Compliments

Everyone likes to hear that they look good. Giving your partner a compliment out of the blue will make them feel great and know you think they are attractive no matter how long you’ve been together.

#5. Talk when something is bothering you

Instead of keeping your emotions bottled up, talk about things that are bothering you. This includes small things you might not thing are that important!

#6. Hold hands

Even something simple like holding hands can give you both a bond that draws you close together.

#7. Learn how to fight

This might sound odd, but it’s important! Instead of blowing up while you are fighting, consider if you are wrong. Calm down and rationalize the situation before you yell.

#8. Share your dreams

By sharing your dreams for the future, you can build one together!

#9. Be romantic every day

Romance isn’t only for Valentine’s Day. Show romantic gestures each day, like making a nice dinner or going out for a movie.

#10. Forgive

Don’t hold pent up aggression for past experiences. Forgive and go on with your relationship.

#11. Ask questions

The better you know your partner the more you will get along. This can even be something simple like not leaving dirty dishes in the sink because they don’t like it.

#12. Be intimate

Take time to cuddle in the bedroom and be romantic. This doesn’t have to be only sexual.

#13. Take time to be together

No matter how much work you have you need to be together and connect. Go out and do things together as a couple so you can create new memories.

#14. Try new hobbies

If you are getting used to movie nights at home, try new things! Go skating or biking together for something new and exciting.

#15. Do the dishes

This might be a small gesture to you, but it could be huge in the eyes of your partner! Do something that they will appreciate.

#16. Compromise

Whenever you don’t agree, compromise on solutions that you both agree on.

#17. Kiss!

Kiss each day; this is something that easily can bring you closer.

#18. Go on dates

Try to go on dates together as a couple like you did before things got serious. This will get you out of the house and having fun.

#19. Make love more often

If you have not been making love a lot, make time for it. Everyone needs sexual chemistry for a strong relationship.

#20. Spice things up in the bedroom

Buy some romantic lingerie or use some toys. New things can really spice up a relationship.

#21. Respect

Each of you needs to hold respect for one another in order to commit.

#22. Commit

If you aren’t yet married, commit to each other and make it known. This will clear up questions of where the relationship is going.

#23. Give attention

This could be something as simple as a text or phone call during the day.

#24. Be yourself

Your partner shouldn’t fall in love with someone you aren’t. Be yourself and allow them to accept you for who you are.

#25. Laugh

Laugh together and just have fun! Life doesn’t have to be so serious.

#26. Give reasons you love them each day

Telling your partner one reason each day for why you love them can make them feel really special. They should give you reasons as well!

#27. Take relationship classes

There’s no shame in taking counseling or relationship classes. These are full of great information and can create a strong bond.

#28. Don’t fight easily

Getting in a lot of fights daily is going to wear anyone down. Choose fights wisely and try to talk things out instead of getting mad.

#29. Be loyal

Stay committed to that person; don’t cheat either emotionally or physically.

#30. Care

Showing you care is important for any situation you go through in life with your partner. Don’t be cold no matter what!

#31. Celebrate

Celebrate the important days like birthdays and anniversaries!

#32. Talk about important issues

Don’t just assume what the other person things, talk about the important things. This will make sure you are both on the same page.

#33. Don’t nag

Women shouldn’t do this but neither should men! This will just annoy each person on a daily basis.

#34. Apologize

If you do or say something wrong, apologize and ask for forgiveness.

#35. Accept

Accept your partner for the way they are and don’t try to change them!

#36. Flirt with each other

Flirting is something that can make you both weak in the knees!

#37. Look good

If you look good and the way your partner likes, they are going to stay attracted to you.

#38. Be confident

Both of you should be confident; nobody wants to hear their partner talk bad about themselves.

#39. Consider them in decisions

Realize that there are two of you when you make decisions, not just you!

#40. Support

Support each other’s dreams for the future and encourage them.

#41. Trust

Both of you needs to be able to trust each other 100%.

#42. Independence

Do things with your separate groups of friends. This will give you both independence so you don’t feel smothered.

#43. Create goals

Create goals you can both work towards, like getting married or buying a home. You could even take dancing or cooking classes!

#44. Create excitement

Don’t be boring, try new things and do something fun every once in a while. Step out of your comfort zone!

#45. Take trips

Go on vacation, even if it’s not that far away so you can experience new things.

#46. Surprise

Have fun surprises, like leaving a note on the bed.

#47. Create space

Do something on your own so you can get in touch with yourself.

#48. Work on jealousy

Nobody likes to be in a relationship with someone who is jealous. Communication should make it easier to trust each other.

#49. Nurture each other

Taking care of each other is important and will lead to a strong foundation.

#50. Reflect

Reflect on where you’ve been and how far you’ve come. This can help you build strength during tough times.

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My Man’s BFF Is a Woman, and They Seem a Little Too Close

bestfriendsmenandwoman

“My boyfriend has a woman friend who knows every move we make. They talk constantly, and she knows everything he does before I get an update. They grew up together and are super close. Is this just friends being friends or suspect?” —B.A.

 

I can’t give you a definitive answer based on the information given. I do know that when you’re in a relationship, things go much more smoothly if your partner gets first dibs on major information. Thinking of quitting a job? Tell your partner first. Earned a promotion? Partner first. Starting a new business? Partner first. If you can’t get first dibs on information about your partner on a consistent basis, are you really a partner? 

In the best-case scenario, he hasn’t adjusted to being in a relationship, or he’s unaware of some of the basics that come with the “boyfriend” title. The most glaring is that you don’t speak all your business, especially about your relationship, to other people. Another is that your partner gets major news before any of your friends of any gender.

Let’s hope for the best here and have a conversation about the amount of time spent with his female friend and the boundaries that he’s crossing by telling your relationship business to her. That she feels comfortable telling you what she knows first makes it seem like there are three people in the relationship, and that makes you uncomfortable, too. Ask him to set boundaries on the information he shares and pull back on the time he spends talking to her or with her. This is a reasonable request of a person in a relationship. 

In the worst-case scenario, this reminds me of the old Biz Markie song “Just a Friend,” in which there’s a whole lot more to the story, and it doesn’t end well for you.

Let me preface what I’m about to say with this: I do believe that men and women can be platonic friends, but sometimes there is more to a so-called friendship than what meets the clichéd eye.

Several months ago, a man wrote in to complain that his long-term girlfriend had flipped out on him. He had a daughter from a previous relationship, and the child and the mother (and her boyfriend) lived in another city. He kept in contact with his daughter nightly, via Skype. After he and the child talked, every night he would also talk to the child’s mom. Not about anything in particular or anything necessarily related to the child. Just to talk about this and that and all the details of his life. 

He said that he and the child’s mother had grown up together, been in a relationship, had a child and parted ways, but they had gone back to being only friends and co-parents, and he liked to just talk to her. This is his version of the situation, not mine.

After two years of this, the girlfriend had had enough and went off. He’d written to me on ask.FM to figure out what to do to make his lady happy with him again.

The amount of unnecessary chatter between the former couple who were calling themselves friends now struck me as odd. Of course, the parents of the child need to speak, but every single night and not necessarily about the child, when they were both in relationships?

That’s when he got honest. He admitted that he was still in love with the child’s mother. He liked his girlfriend; he loved the mother of his child. She was unavailable, so he had decided, essentially, to settle, and he wanted to work things out with the woman he was with since he couldn’t have the woman he wanted.

This situation probably would have continued for who knows how long, except the girlfriend made an unreasonable demand. The man asked her to dinner to apologize for all the Skype-ing with his child’s mother, his “friend.” He wanted to know how he could make things right. The girlfriend demanded he cease contact with the child’s mother and the kid, an unfathomable request.

They broke up that night.

 The same night, the guy is on Skype saying good night to his kid, and as usual, asks to speak to the mom. He doesn’t have a relationship to lose, and his feelings get the best of him. He tells his “friend” that he’s still in love with her. She gets off the computer—and then she calls back in the wee hours of the night to say she feels the same way. He says he wants to be with her. She says she and the child will move to where he is, only if he agrees to get married. She says she is over being a “baby mama.”

This was in October. The same guy emailed me last week to say that he was on his honeymoon and he and his wife had brought the child along with them to celebrate the reunion.

I tell you all this to say that you may need to have a serious conversation with your man about whether he ever dated his friend, whether he ever wanted to and if he wants to now. You also need to watch how he responds when you ask him to establish boundaries and put you, essentially, in the top spot over his friend. If he’s unable to do so, you should step aside and go find someone who can put you first and let him go be with whom he really seems to want. 

Demetria L. Lucas is a contributing editor at The Root, alife coach and the author of the upcoming book Don’t Waste Your Pretty: The Go-to Guide for Making Smarter Decisions in Life & Love. She answers your dating and relationship questions on The Root each week. Feel free to ask anything at askdemetria@theroot.com.

 
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Women Must Stop Chasing Men and Let The Men Do All The Chasing!

dontchase

Women Must Stop Chasing Men and Let The Men Do All The Chasing!

 

It is a different world today where women are more independent and aggressive. Women are competing with men for the same positions.  Women are running major corporations and doing a great job at it.  However, some women are not doing a great job in attracting men or getting their attention because they are chasing them.

 

Most women seem not to have a care in the world about asking a man out and being the first one to call a man after a first date.  Some of these women will actually sleep with a man on the first date hoping to develop a relationship with a man.  Most women seem to have forgotten to allow the man to be the one to do all the chasing.

 

I believe women of today should take some lessons from women of yesterday who behaved like ladies.  They wore clothes that actually covered their bodies and refused to kiss a guy on the first date.  Women back then did not make the first call to the man they liked.  They waited by the phone for the man to call. The men were the ones who did all the asking and paid for the dinner.  According to Beth S, M.D the author of Dating Rules, stated “Men did the asking a lady simply didn’t ask a gentleman out. She didn’t call him either, unless he called her first. Girls and women really did sit by the phone, waiting for a man to call. Plus, with no cell phones, voicemail, or caller I.D., you’d have to be home if you wanted to know he’d called.”

The men back then also were the ones who would go out of their way to pick up the woman to go out on the date he planned.

 

  I think the reason women seem to be doing more of the chasing is they feel the clock is ticking and they have to rush to the alter with their man.  Most Women want the wedding of their dreams and family so some feel they have to control everything to make it happen for them.

 

Most women are insecure with themselves and they have the desire to be needed.  When a woman is insecure, she will do anything and everything to try and get the man to propose to her and that is what we as women should not do is chase a man.

 

Women need to have more self-respect, love, and confidence within them.  If you know you are sexy, beautiful, intelligent, and strong then the man you are trying to attract will know it as well and will chase you.

 

Most men view women who chase them as being desperate or “thirsty” and that can be a turn off to them.  It has been said so many times men love a challenge and I think that is true.  Some men will not pay attention to someone who makes themselves easy to get and too available.  The best thing to do ladies is to always let the men chase you.

 

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The Best Relationship You Can Have Is Being With Yourself!

Learningtoloveyourself5

The Best Relationship You Can Have Is Being With Yourself!

 I was once guilty of being uncomfortable to be alone with myself.  I always wanted to be with someone.  When I was home, my parents or siblings were home with me.  I never did things alone; I had to have my friends come with me.  If they were unavailable to go somewhere with me, I wouldn’t go.  I never understood the reason I did not like my own company.  As I matured and did a lot of soul searching, I realized that it is time to build a relationship with me.

 I remember when I was in elementary school I did not want to be the little girl in the lunchroom eating alone.  In college, I would not be caught dead eating in the University Center alone.  When I became a career woman, I made sure I developed a friendship with a co-worker to have a buddy to go out with to lunch.  I started thinking how unhealthy this is for me to be an adult and not want to do things by myself.

 One day, I read an article “Being in a Relationship with Yourself” by Rachael R.  White.  She discussed how it is important to have self-love.  I did not want to admit to myself that I did not love myself enough to want to be in a relationship with me.  I did not have the confidence or high self-esteem to go out to lunch alone or go to the movies alone.   How can I ever have a healthy relationship with anyone if I did not enjoy being in a relationship with me?  Rachael stated, “If you have a good relationship with yourself, it is highly likely that you’ll have good relationships with other people. We like being around positive people that like themselves.”

One day I decided to go catch a matinee alone.  At first, I felt weird about it.  I thought people at the movie theater were staring at me and feeling sorry for me.  I exhaled, sat down, and enjoyed a nice movie which was “The Bodyguard.”  I thought to myself how it wasn’t so bad going to the movies alone.  I kind of enjoyed it.  I was glad I took that first step in doing something alone with myself.  I started to go out to lunch by myself at work.  I was learning to love myself and enjoying “my me time”.   I was able to take long walks and think.  I started to become more at peace with my thoughts and love me.

 

As I began to develop a relationship with myself, I gained confidence and high self-esteem.  I walked with my head up and a bright smile.  I started having more people approach me and wanting to be with me.

 My family and friends noticed the positive change in me.  Now when my husband, friends, or siblings are unable to go out with me I tell them it is ok, I will go alone.  The first time one of my friends heard me say those words, she did not believe me.  When she saw pictures of me at this certain event alone, she was shocked and impressed.  One thing I also realized, when you go out on your own, it is easier to make new friends.

 I enjoy being in a relationship with me.   By taking time to get to know me, I have become a confident woman with a good sense of self.  I appreciate being able to go catch a matinee or go out to lunch by myself.  It is a wonderful feeling.

 

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